Imagine you could choose between two lives. In the first, you have incredible beauty, wealth, power, fame, and health—but no friends. In the second, you have average beauty, wealth, reputation, and health, but profound friendships. Which would you choose? Ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle (384–322 BC) believed that most people would opt for the second life, valuing friendships over material success. He argued that friendships are essential for a good life. When times are tough, friends provide support; when times are good, they share in your joy.
Aristotle’s thoughts on friendship have sparked discussions that continue to this day. This article delves into his views on friendship and explores a modern debate inspired by his ideas.
Friendship, Useful Friends, and Pleasurable Friends
Aristotle believed that all friendships are built on mutual liking, doing good for each other, and sharing common goals for their time together. However, the nature of these friendships can vary depending on why people value each other and how they benefit each other.
To explain this, Aristotle categorized friendship into three types: useful, pleasurable, and virtuous friendships. The first two types—useful and pleasurable friendships—share similarities.
Useful friendships are based on mutual benefits. These are friendships where the primary goal is to achieve some practical objective together, such as coworkers collaborating on a project or teammates working towards winning a game. The main focus is on the utility the friendship provides.
Pleasurable friendships are centered around enjoyment and shared activities. These are the friends you might invite out for a meal, play sports with, or enjoy a hobby together. The key element here is the pleasure derived from spending time together.
While useful and pleasurable friendships are easy to form and can offer quick benefits, they are also temporary. They tend to last only as long as the mutual benefit or enjoyment exists. For example, friendships with coworkers often fade once someone changes jobs, and friendships based on shared hobbies might dwindle if one person loses interest. Because these friendships are primarily motivated by personal gain or enjoyment, Aristotle considered them less perfect than the third type of friendship.
Virtuous Friends: The Best Kind of Friends
For Aristotle, the most valuable friendships are those that go beyond mere utility or pleasure. These are virtuous friendships, where the primary focus is on mutual growth and becoming better people together. Such friendships are rare and hard to form, but they are essential for a fulfilling life.
Virtuous friends care deeply about each other's character and well-being. They are concerned not just with what their friends can do for them or how much fun they can have together, but with the overall good of the other person. They encourage each other to be good people and to live meaningful, ethical lives.
These friendships are characterized by spending time together, having deep conversations, and sharing core values about what it means to live a good life. Aristotle described virtuous friends as "other selves," so closely bonded that it is like having "one soul dwelling in two bodies." This deep connection allows virtuous friends to celebrate each other's successes and support each other through failures, offering honest advice and even difficult truths when necessary.
Do Good Friends Have to Be Good People?
When discussing friendship, many philosophers reference Aristotle’s concept of virtuous friendship. They often question whether engaging in immoral acts or having poor character traits can undermine the quality of friendship.
Consider a scenario where your best friend calls you late at night, claiming it’s an emergency. When you arrive, you find out they have committed a serious crime and ask for your help in covering it up. In this situation, what does being a good friend mean? Should you help your friend hide their wrongdoing, or should you encourage them to face the consequences and turn to the authorities?
This situation raises important questions: Can true friendship involve participating in immoral acts? Can someone be a good friend if they are not a good person? And should the positive aspects of friendship be evaluated based on moral standards?
Aristotle and those who follow his teachings would argue that true friends must also be good people. Virtuous friendships are built on shared ethical values, mutual improvement, and holding each other accountable. Therefore, engaging in immoral acts is incompatible with the deep bond of a virtuous friendship. According to Aristotle, a friend who asks you to cover up a crime is not acting as a true friend, as this request fundamentally changes the nature of the friendship.
On the other hand, some philosophers disagree with Aristotle’s view. They argue that the qualities valued in friendship—such as loyalty and support—can exist independently of moral principles. These thinkers believe that true friendship can involve morally ambiguous actions, and a moral lapse does not necessarily mean a failure in friendship. In fact, helping a friend in morally questionable situations might demonstrate deep loyalty and commitment, which are also essential qualities of a true friend.
Philosophers may disagree with Aristotle on the definition of friendship or the moral requirements of being a good friend. However, most agree that it is important to reflect on what it means to be a good friend and whether we live up to those standards. Friendships reveal much about who we are and how we connect with others. If, as Aristotle argued, good friends help us become better people while bad friends lead us astray, then choosing the right friends could be one of the most significant decisions we make in our lives.